The Star Wars Bride
by Holy Roman Empire
Summary: The Supreme Leader of the First Order is sick with the flu! It is a dark day in the galaxy but Grandpa Ben has a plan; to read the Princess Bride to his ailing grandson. The Supreme Leader does not care for fairy tales. He wants pirates! Swordfights! Not icky romance.


**I don't own Star Wars. If I did, Mara Jade would be in the movies.**

 **I should tell you, I tossed around the idea of having either Jar Jar or Maul as the 6 Fingered Man.**

 **I also thought about having Jar Jar as Humperdink. Then I thought, that would just torture all of us.**

* * *

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

Or at least a few streets down from where you live dear reader, there lived a boy named Ben Solo. Ben Solo was unlike any kid you would know. He had a genius mother and uncle, a Chief of Police for a father, and the most loyal Newfoundland dog for a friend. He had two old cats, a yellow Manx named C3PO and an American Shorthair named R2D2. He had no idea why they were named that, just that they were the best cats in the world. Ben loved how C3PO would always help him with his homework by meowing encouragement.

 _But this is no ordinary day in the galaxy, this is the day that poor Supreme Leader Kylo Ren is sick with the flu! The Supreme Leader of the First Order cannot be sick! The Supreme Leader has a galaxy to conquer and_ -he was pulled out of his imagination by a sudden cough attack.

Ben coughed which honestly didn't sound good at all. It was more of a hacking with the snot in the back of your throat which is awful and not fun at all. But hey, he got to miss school and he didn't have to see that annoying new student from the foster system so that was a plus.

"Oh my sweet Star, I'm so sorry you're not feeling well." Ben looked to the bedroom door where his mother was holding medicine.

Leia gracefully walked over the scattered toys and legos like a princess. Ben closed his eyes as his mother but her cool hand on his forehead. It felt so nice.

"Oh baby. I think you're getting sicker." She poured some of the medicine.

Ben prayed that it wasn't the nasty stuff that left behind the horrible aftertaste.

 _'Please be grape flavored. Please be grape flavored.'_ Ben silently begged.

"Here." Leia handed it to Ben who drank it. "I called school saying that I wanted to stay home with you but they wouldn't let me. They needed to know two days in advance. I'm sorry."

"You could ditch." Ben suggested. He swallowed the medicine. Grape flavored. Did it-nope. It did not leave that awful aftertaste.

His mother's brown eyes sparkled with mirth. "Oh sweetheart, I wish I could. I called around and Uncle Luke is prepping his students for finals, Aunt Mara is taking care of the new baby, Han thinks he can bust a drug ring."

"So I can stay home alone?" Ben asked. Maybe this was a good thing. Maybe he can Google "how to tell when a girl likes you back" not that he likes a girl in his class mind you. Or even "what to say to a girl".

"No. I don't want you home alone while you're sick." Leia said. That is why I called Grandpa Ben."

"No not him! He pinches my cheek and messes up my hair. I don't like that."

"Maybe he won't do that this time." Leia promised.

"That was some fantastic tea Leia, hello Benji." Grandpa Ben dropped a present on his lap and used his free hand, the other had a cup of Earl Grey tea, to pinch his cheek and ruffle his hair.

Ben sent his mother a look.

"Well, I have to get to work. I'll bring you boys some lunch when I stop by." She kissed Ben's forehead and then kissed the top of Grandpa's white hair. "Don't have to much fun. Bye loves."

With that said, Leia left with one of her brown curls falling out of her bun in the back. Ben watched it pactically float behind his mother as she left.

"I brought you a present." Ben acknowledged Grandpa Ben. His blue eyes were surrounded by wrinkles. His beard was too white. "Open it."

Ben picked up the present and ripped the wrapping paper away. He didn't hide his disappointment. "A book?"

Grandpa Ben took the book from Ben. "Not just any ordinary book. My father read this to me when I was sick, I read it to your grandfather when he was sick, I read it to your mother and uncle when they were sick, and today, I am going to read it to you."

"It's not a dopey book is it? Does it have sword fighting in it?" Ben asked.

"Does it have sword fighting? Adventure, escape, fantastical creatures, miracles, true love! Whatever you can think of Ben, it's in this book."

Ben looked at this new man. Grandpa's old blue eyes had a spark that he hadn't seen before and he was grinning like he meant it. Those wrinkles around his eyes made it look he had a lifetime of non stop smiling. Something Ben never saw Grandpa do at him.

"I guess I could stay awake for a couple of chapters." Ben grunted as he flopped against his pillow. Chewy lifted his head off of Ben's leg and got up himself to lay on his pup's stomach. C3PO ran off and out into the hallway. R2 just rolled onto his back and flicked Ben's feet with his tail.

"You are very kind." Grandpa rolled his eyes. "I thank you for your gracious gift of your time."

Ben smiled. Grandpa was actually funny when he was sassing someone, even if it was him.

"Now," Grandpa cleared his throat and opened the book. " _The Princess Bride_ , chapter one, Padme Naberrrie was raised on a small farm in the countryside of Naboo. When she wasn't working around the farm, she could barely breathe around the farm boy that worked there. His name was Anakin Skywalker, but she never called him that. She called him 'Ani.' Isn't that a wonderful beginning?"

Ben shrugged. "I guess so."

…

"Ani, the cows need milking. I'm going to town to sell eggs so I can't do it myself. Will you do it?" she asked.

The tall blond teenager looked at her like she was the world. Padme didn't know what to think of him and how she felt around him. His blue eyes met her brown ones and he said softly "As you wish."

Whatever Padme asked of Anakin, he always replied with "As you wish." One cloudy day, Padme went up to Anakin and made a request.

"Ani, will you hurry up? It's going to rain soon." Padme wrapped her arms around her torso to shield what warmth she had against the wind.

Anakin's blond hair was tousled in the wind's fingers. "As you wish."

Padme was in the barn when she realized that everytime Anakin said "As you wish." what he really meant was "I love you."

Padme paused and blushed. "He loves me?"

The horse nickered and tilted his head.

"Anakin. He loves me." Padme was breathless.

The horse snickered as if to say that he knew the whole time. And that was the day Padme realized she truly loved him back.

That night, Padme while was cooking dinner, Anakin came in with more firewood and dumped his load at the base of the fireplace. As he was walking out, Padme called to him.

"Ani!"

He stopped and looked back at her.

What was she going to say? She couldn't think of anything to say! Why did he do this to her?

"Will you come here? Please?"

His steps were agonizingly slow, making eye contact with her the entire time.

He was so close she could hear his heartbeat. Padme's heart was beating so hard it felt as if it was taking sword to her ribs. There was no possible way Anakin could not have heard it.

He leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"As you wish." I love you.

"I know."

…

"Wait a minute Grandpa Ben. Isn't my grandma's name Padme?" R2 had moved from his spot on Ben's feet to Ben's lap where he was given tummy rubs.

"You're grandmothers' names are Breha Organa and Jaina Solo."

"But Uncle Luke's last name is Skywalker."

"Any similarities of persons in this book either living or dead are purely coincidental." Grandpa Ben had look on his face that said he didn't want to talk about it anymore.

Ben raised an eyebrow, not buying the excuse.

Grandpa Ben sipped his tea. "Now, Anakin had no money saved up for marriage. So, the farm boy packed his little belongings and was going to leave his fiancee to seek his fortunes across the stars and the great wide sea. It was an emotional time for the both of them as neither knew if they would ever see the other again. Anakin vowed that whatever happened, he would always find his way back to Padme. They kissed farewell and Anakin boarded the _Ghost_ and was off to a new world. Before the ship got too far, it was attacked by the pirate Darth Plagueis who never left prisoners alive. When Padme heard the news that Anakin was murdered-"

"Murdered by pirates is cool."

"Your mother needs to send you to a therapist."

"It's better than kissing girls." Ben defended.

R2 gave Ben the stink eye and flattened his dark ears.

"Not that there's anything wrong with that orange cat that you hang out with in the backyard." Ben said before his cat could leave.

"Anyway...when Padme heard the love of her life was murdered, she locked herself in her room for days."

"She needs to get a life."

"You know, one day you are going to find a girl that you would rewrite the stars for."

"Would she want to rule the galaxy as High Empress?"

"..."

"I will only marry a girl if she gets to be my Empress." Ben explained.

"Okay. As long as I am invited to the wedding to see this 'Star Queen' you speak so highly of." Grandpa raised his eyebrow.

"Star Queen." Ben tested. "I like it. I like it a lot."

"Continuing with the story...Padme vowed to the stars that she would never love another man, for the only man she loved died and her heart with him." Grandpa Ben stopped reading to look at Ben. "How was that for a first chapter?"

"I was okay, I guess. Are there more pirates?"

"Of course. I promised pirates and you are going to get pirates." Grandpa promised.

"Thanks." Ben's stomach growled and Chewy whined.

"What did you have for breakfast?"

"Dry cereal."

"Next chapter can wait. You need some protein." Ben Senior stood up and closed the book.

"Grandpa! I won't be able to keep it down!"

"Did you throw up last night?"

"This morning." Ben mumbled.

"I'll bring a 7-up. That will calm your stomach." Grandpa Ben turned for the door and R2 leaped off the bed to follow the old man. "I'm going to make you breakfast. Don't read ahead!"

Ben just lay in bed and coughed and Chewy whined in sympathy. "This isn't so bad. It could be worse."

Grandpa Ben came back in with a plate full of eggs, sausage, potatoes, and toast. The old man handed the plate to Ben while Chewy was sniffing the air around the plate and R2 gave Ben a pitiful look.

"I'm going to get more tea. Do not let them eat your food. You need your strength." Grandpa Ben took his empty cup back to the kitchen.

"Okay here's some sausage." Ben picked up one of the links and gave it to Chewy who gobbled it up in one bite. Chewy licked his pup's cheek and lay back down. R2 meowed and batted his paw at the plate, trying to get some of the potatoes. "No kitty. You'll throw up if you eat those. Here you go." Ben cut his last sausage in half and gave it to the cat.

R2 thanked him by picking up the sausage and giving Ben a face full of cat butt.

"I hope you are not feeding those animals." Grandpa called over the sound of running water. He must be doing the dishes.

"NOo." Ben said while giving some eggs to his dog. Not that the food was bad. It was just too much for Ben to eat by himself and he did not want to throw up again.

Hmm. Not bad at all.

"You must have been hungry. You ate enough for a platoon of soldiers." Grandpa remarked.

R2 looked at Chewy and Ben who were trying to look innocent. 3PO was slinking back into the room and hopped onto Grandpa Ben's lap.

"Hello there." Grandpa petted the skittish cat. "Now, where were we? Ah yes."

…

Seven years later, the Emperor of Naboo was finally going to announce his bride to be. The entire kingdom had come to the imperial palace in the capital Theed to learn the identity of the mysterious beauty who had caught their emperor's eye.

It was quite a shock to learn that the emperor was taking himself a bride. Especially when he was as old as he was.

The trumpets trumpeted and a princess dressed in a dark blue dress with her hair piled on top of her head in a very elaborate style. She indeed looked beautiful. Almost unearthly, and yet, there was something about her eyes. Brown eyes that were dead inside, a smile that was fake. Only the widows and the brokenhearted could see the signs and wondered, "How is she still standing?"

The only joy that Princess Amidala-Padme was forced to change her name for no kingdom wanted a Queen named Padme-was in her daily ride through the countryside. She could escape from her life and be a farm girl again; if only for a moment. She could imagine that she was flying into his arms. She could imagine that he was rescuing her from Palpatine. She could imagine that he was carrying her off into the sunset. She imagined that he was alive and then the rush of reality would come crashing around her.

This day, was different that the others. Oh it started out in its usual monotony-Palpatine insisting she join him for breakfast, the courtiers commenting about how Amidala could never love anyone because her heart was too cold, Palpatine insisting that she would grow to love him, and her daily ride out into the wood beyond the castle gates. But that is where the days end with similarities.

The horse slowed his gallop to a small trot before he stopped in front of three strange men.

The first was dressed as a seafaring man. Loose shirt, loose pants, and long dreadlocks.

The second man was tall and dark. He had a resting bitch face and didn't look thrilled to be in the middle of the woods.

The third has a well trimmed beard and tired blue eyes.

"A word m'lady, we got separated from our circus caravan." Dreadlocks said.

The black man facepalmed and the bearded man rolled his eyes.

"Could you give us directions to the nearest town?" Dreadlocks continued.

"There is no town or village nearby for miles. It is all wood for the next ten miles." Padme Amidala answered. "Does that help?"

"It helps more than you know Princess."

Padme felt hands on her neck and then fell into a black nothingness.

…

"We have the Princess. Now what Nerfherders?" Mace Windu laid the unconscious woman on a pile of extra rope.

"We sail for Geonosis and Prince Palpatine will follow assuming those insects have abducted his love. When he finds her body dead on their land, war will break out and we become rich."

"You never said anything about killing anyone Hondo!" Obi Wan cried from the helm.

"I agree with Obi Wan." Mace said.

"Listen to me boys. We were hired to start a war. It is fairly easy with a glorious tradition that my dear mother was involved in. And if you think about backing out of the deal, remember where you would be without me. Obi Wan Jinn, when we met, you were so drunk that you couldn't purchase Deathsticks. And Windu, do you want to go back to where you were? Unemployed in Hoth?" Hondo yelled in their faces.

When Hondo's back was turned, Mace Windu pulled out his sword and was going to run the man through but Obi Wan held him back.

"After this, I'm going home and rethinking my life." Obi Wan muttered.

…

"I think your mother is home." Grandpa Ben said as Chewy leaped off the be and flew into the hall barking all the way.

R2 and 3PO perked up and gazed at Ben's door.

"Hello loves. I brought some Panera." Leia entered her son's room with two bowls of soup in her hands and Chewy on her heels.

"Thank you Dear."

"Thank you mom."

Leia gave her boys some soup and Chewy leaped on the bed and curled up at Ben's feet.

"I'm sorry but I only have enough time to take your temperature before I need to go back to work." Leia placed her hand on her son's forehead.

"Ben is the best grandchild an old man could ask for." Grandpa Ben said.

Ben raised his eyebrow. He was just listening to the old man read a book to him.

"He's a sweet kid." Leia said softly. "Well darling, your temp hasn't gone down but I don't think you have gotten sicker."

"Will I have to stay home tomorrow?" Ben asked.

"We'll see in the morning. Now I have to go back to work. I love you Ben." Leia kissed her son's warm forehead. "Thank you again Grandpa."

"It is my pleasure dear girl." Grandpa Ben said as he shooed her out the door.

When Leia was gone, Grandpa Ben sat back down and C3PO hopped back to his spot on his lap.

"Now that your mother is gone, let's get back to the story."

…

The warmth of the sun was fading as the moon and stars crawled into the sky. There was nothing to do but sit and wait. Hondo and Mace Windu were playing cards and Obi-Wan was taking his turn at the helm. The men either didn't care or they were awful at this kidnapping thing because Padme was sitting across from Obi-Wan and her hands and feet were not bound.

Padme had grown tired of trying to follow the card game that two of her kidnappers were playing and she then focused her attention to Obi-Wan.

He was not one Padme would have thought to be apart of the kidnapping career but here he was. Beard and all.

The only thing that confused her more than his questionable choice in trade was every two minutes exactly, he would turn and gaze behind the ship. The more he would turn, the more worried he would get.

"Relax my friend, the job is almost over."

"Are you sure that no one is following us?" Obi-Wan asked.

"The armada in Naboo is weak as shit, and Geonosis doesn't know what's coming. Her highness isn't going anywhere and we're in the clear." Hondo went to back to his game. Then he looked back up. "On second thought, why do you ask?"

"I just looked back and something is there."

"WHat?"

Mace and Hondo ran to the back of the ship where Obi-Wan pointed out the small boat behind them.

Padme thought up a hasty plan and the phrase 'now or never' echoed in her mind.

"It's probably some moron out for a pleasure cruise at night." Hondo rationalized.

"In Sarlacc waters?" Mace asked.

Hondo shrugged her shoulders.

SPlasH.

The three wacky pirates turned their heads to where Padme was no longer at. They ran to the side of the ship and saw their prisoner frantically swimming to the ship in the distance.

Hondo cursed and then apologized to his dear mother. "Someone go after her."

"I can't swim." Windu said.

Hondo's eye twitched.

"I only know how to float."

"Idiots. I am surrounded by idiots." Hondo threw his hands in the air. "Do the...the...thing for the thing!" He shouted at the other men on the boat.

Padme could feel the numbness spread in from her fingers and feet. The icy water seemed to want to keep her away from freedom. The waves kept trying to push her back to the pirates who were currently arguing over how to get her back in the boat.

Padme could see a giant wave getting closer. Closer. Closer.

"That is no wave Highness. That is a Sarlacc! If you swim back now, we will forget about this stunt and protect you from that squid. I doubt that you would get a nicer offer from the monster." Hondo shouted at her from the safety of the ship.

Padme ignored him and kept swimming.

Tentacles shot out of the water and Padme screamed as one of the slimy appendages wrapped around her leg and pulled her down.

…

"She isn't killed by the Sarlacc, Ben." Grandpa Ben said comfortingly.

"What?" Ben let out a breath he was holding. "Why would you tell me that?"

"Well, it looked like you were getting a little to involved there. I just wanted to put your concern at ease."

"I wasn't involved."

Grandpa raised his eyebrow.

"I might have been concerned but that doesn't make me involved with the story." R2 begged to differ; Ben was practically squeezing him.

"Sure you're not."Grandpa Ben began to read once again. "Alright, Padme jumps ship, the pirates can't swim, the Sarlacc pulls her down and then…"

…

Padme's lungs burst and she thrashed against the Sarlacc. She tried to reach out for anything to grab onto and a hand grasped hers and pulled her up. Padme was able to breathe and saw Mace at the helm, Hondo shooting at the Sarlacc, and Obi-Wan gave her his cloak.

"And go back to the depths of the Locker you overgrown son of a biscuit eater!" Hondo shouted at the Sarlacc as it retreated to the safety of the sea. He then shot the water once more for good measure.

"Damn squid. I suppose you think you're real brave trying to escape in Sarlacc waters." He said with grudging respect.

"Only compared to some." Padme whispered.

At dawn, it became apparent that the ship that Obi Wan was watching the previous night had gotten closer.

"It won't matter. Soon we will be in Geonosis and the horses will take us to the Cliffs of Mild Discomfort." Hondo said.

They three anchored the ship and pulled the Princess in a lifeboat with them. Obi Wan and Mace rowed while Hondo didn't help at all and Padme had her hands tied.

"My God, he's in a lifeboat." Obi Wan said.

"Keep rowing."

"He's gaining on us." Obi Wan said.

"Focus Kenobi."

The lifeboat-Heathers-got closer. And closer.

"If you want your money, you'll row faster." Hondo barked.

"Well, this boat has four people and he's got only himself to worry about." Obi Wan grunted as he rowed.

"And I don't see you helping us hull ass." Mace growled.

"Well, did I make it clear that our jobs are at stake?"

"What is at stake?" Padme asked.

"We've...been hired to...start a war...with Naboo and...Geonosis." Obi Wan rowed.

"Well, it's comforting to know that I will die for a good cause." Padme sarcastically muttered.

They were about twenty feet from shore when Hondo jumped out and started to pull the lifeboat. It didn't do much because he went under and gripped the side like a cat in water. Obi Wan jumped out when they were closer and carried Padme so she didn't have to get wet. Mace jumped out and Hondo leaped on his shoulders and was carried to shore.

"I don't care who that man is. He's seen us with her and he must die. Kenobi, stay here and don't mess up. Windu, carry her." Hondo lead the way to a grassy field. The entire way muttering curses upon sand.

"Be careful. People in black cannot be trusted." Windu said to his friend.

"I will. May the Force be with you."

The two friends nodded and parted ways. Padme couldn't help but feel sad leaving Obi Wan Kenobi behind. He may have been part of her kidnapping but he had been nothing but kind to her.

"Obi Wan?" She called. "Stay alive-"

Obi Wan couldn't hear the rest of Padme's wishes between the crashing of the waves and the porgs.

Obi Wan watched as his group disappeared over the sand dunes on the other side of the grass. Then he turned his attention to the man in black that was still rowing to shore.

Deep down in his soul, Kenobi secretly hoped the man would have the red and black tattoos on his arms. Then he wouldn't feel as awful about dueling the man. Could he kill him? Probably.

The man was closer now. At least within shouting distance.

"Hello there." The man looked up at him and Obi Wan waved. He was going to duel him, but that did not give him an excuse to be impolite. "Slow rowing?"

"It's not as easy as I make it to be." The man shouted back. A large wave moved the boat forward and then another pulled it back. "Can you be quiet while I concentrate?"

"Of course."

"Thank you."

Obi Wan waited ten minutes and by the end of those ten minutes, he had made a small sandcastle with a moat and drawbridge. He put a small leaf on the highest tower for a flag, called it good, and looked up to see that the man had only moved forward slightly. He was in a spot where the waves pushed him forward and back.

"I have some rope if you want me to pull you in." Kenobi shouted.

"That would be useful."

"I don't think you'll accept my help since I am only waiting for our duel."

"That puts a damper on our friendship. Could you wait a few minutes more?"

"I hate waiting." Obi Wan circled around his sandcastle twice. "Could I give you my word as a Mandelorian?"

"I've known too many Madelorians."

"I swear on the souls of my father, Qui Gon Jinn, and my wife Satine. You will reach the shore alive."

The man seemed to contemplate the pros and cons. "Throw the rope!"

Evidently, there seemed to be more pros than cons.

Obi Wan waded out in the sea and threw the rope to the man. As he pulled the stranger in, the two conversed with each other.

"Why do you wear black?"

"Black is perfect for every event."

"And the mask?" The man wore a black mask that covered most of his face. Only his mouth and his blue eyes showed. "Are you scared or deformed?"

"No. I just hate sunburns." The man dressed for a funeral jumped out of the boat and Kenobi and he waded to shore.

"Shall we rest a bit before we duel? Battling with the sea must have tired you." Obi Wan watched the man collapse to the sand.

"I hate sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating." he muttered.

"Like my boss." Obi Wan spat out.

"Why do you work for such a character?"

"I am in the revenge business and it doesn't pay the bills. At least with Hondo, I get a paycheck."

The man sat up.

"You seem a decent fellow. Why do you seek revenge?" he asked.

"I used to be a sword maker." Obi Wan unsheathed his sword and presented it to the man in black. "A man with red and black tattoos came to me and requested a sword. That sword"

"I have never seen its equal." the man complemented.

"I worked night and day on what he requested. When the man returned a month later, he wanted it at a fifth of what we had agreed on. He took that sword and pierced my father through the heart. He demanded the sword at an even lower price. I once again refused and he saw my wife." Obi Wan took a shaky breath. "He took the sword and stabbed her. The man left the sword and as Satine died, I vowed to avenge her and my father."

"I wish you luck." The man gave him the sword back and stood. "Shall we get started?"

"Are you ready?"

"You seem a decent man. In other circumstances, I would call you friend." The man drew his sword.

"You seem a decent man. I may have called you brother."

…

Ben leaned forward. He listened to his grandfather's voice as he described the duel. Just the way he spoke brought the characters alive. The pirate and the kidnapper in a duel on the beach of Geonosis. He couldn't help himself, but Ben imagined himself as the Man in Black.

 _Kylo Ren dueled the man who had kidnapped his Princess Bride. He felt the thrill of adrenaline and he felt the rage at the man who kept him from her. Kylo Ren's red saber struck fear into the other man's eyes. The man's counter attacks grew more and more frantic with each strike. When his opponent was struck down, Kylo Ren let him live. Death was too good for a man this low._

"-and Mace Windu's hand was cut at the wrist. The Man in Black moved through the rocky terrain and forward to Hondo and Padme." Grandpa Ben read.

Ben was briefly brought back from his thoughts when he heard that. He pretended that he heard that fight from the beginning and dove back into his thoughts.

"The man found the pirate captain and the princess at the mouth of the pass to the Cliffs of Mild Discomfort."

 _Kylo Ren approached the traitorous man who had kidnapped his love._

"'Well let us engage in a battle of wits for the Princess.' Hondo said."

 _Kylo Ren was not one to negotiate, but for his Star Queen, he would do anything to save her._

"'Where is the poison? Thus begins the battle.' The Man in Black said."

 _Kylo Ren reached for his goblet of grape juice. He knew what he had to do, and his Queen gave him the strength to do it. He drank. And the man seated in front of him dropped dead. With the kidnapper dead, he quickly moved to his Star. Her light brown eyes were filled with tears and he unbound the ropes around her wrists. Kylo Ren hugged his Queen close to him and they ran off to his ship holding hands. Just when he was about to say he liked her, Rey opened her mouth and said-_

"'If you release me, you will get whatever reward you ask for, I promise you!' Padme cried.

Ben blinked. 'Oh my stars! Did I really just have Rey in my Kylo Ren fantasy?'

…

The man laughed. "Oh, there is no gold nor riches that your dearest love could offer that would make me trade you."

"I never said Palpatine was my dearest love!" Padme spat.

The man seemed surprised. "You do not love your fiance?"

"He know I do not love him. I would have rather spent the rest of my life on my farm."

"Are not capable of love, Princess."

Padme spit in his face.

"I loved a man more deeply than a killer like you could ever dare dream!"

The man said nothing as he took her hand and roughly pulled her along. Padme couldn't break free if she tried. She didn't know how this man held so much control over her to prevent her from running. He was bigger than her, stronger than her, and would catch her if she ran. Why the black? Why the mask? And that saber…

"Your cruelty has betrayed you! You are Darth Plagueis, admit it!" Padme shouted.

"With pride." He knelt and bowed his head. "What can I do for you, highness?"

"Bring back the dead."

"I cannot do that."

"Turn back time."

"Not possible."

"Well there must be something you can do to bring him back!" Padme screamed in his face. Her eyes betrayed her and allowed her tears to fall.

"Him? Do elaborate because I've killed a lot of people. Another prince? Rich, ugly, spoiled brat like your fiance?" He mocked.

"NO!" her voice cracked. "A farm boy. We were poor but we had each other." Padme wiped her tears. "You attacked the ship he was on and killed-" Another sob shook through her body and Padme was now a crying mess.

…

Ben started to tune this out because he didn't want to imagine a crying girl. Chewy looked at him and wiggled his eyebrows before he went back to sleep on Ben's lap. R2 was licking his junk and then stared at Ben with his leg still in the air. It was a strange staring contest and Ben was going to be the winner it. R2 slowly blinked at him and Ben slowly blinked back.

"Padme shoved the pirate over the edge of the cliff and muttered a curse his way. Padme's anger was broken when she heard his voice over the wind-'As you wish…'-and she ran down the hill to embrace her love, once taken from her by death, returned to her once more."

 _Kylo Ren lay at the bottom of the ravine, he knew that Rey was strong but he didn't expect her to throw him over the side of a cliff. He lay to catch his breath when he heard his Queen tumbling down the ravine. She lay unmoving and that worried Kylo. Kylo crawled to his love and cradled her in his arms. His mask fell off while he fell and he was sure he looked awful but he was happy to see Rey without anything in between them, blocking them._

 _"My love?" He whispered. Was she alright, was she hurt? If she was, Kylo Ren was going to fight the cliff._

 _Her beautiful, warm doe eyes opened and Kylo smiled. She clung to him and cried in his chest. Kylo kissed her hair and whispered words of love in her ear._

 _"I thought you were dead. Why?"_

 _"Death cannot stop me from returning to my rightful place at your side. All it can do is delay me."_

 _"I will never doubt you again."_

 _"I will never give you cause, my Love, my Queen, Rey." Kylo placed his hand on her cheek and kissed her. Fireworks went off and and they rode off in the sunset on a motorcycle. They traveled all the way to Mexico and lived on the beach. The End._

"Anakin and Padme were reunited at last and Padme agreed to run away with her pirate love. The only thing in their way was the Dagobah Swamp." Grandpa Ben read on.

Kriff.

…

"Your stupid fiance is too late, we are together and soon shall be hidden in the Swamp." Anakin said too cheerfully.

"We will not survive." Padme panted as she ran to keep up.

"You're saying that because no one has before."

…

If Ben was being honest with himself, he found this part to be quite boring and tuned out his grandfather's voice. Anakin and Padme were acting all lovey dovey and Ben wasn't interested at that type of mush. His interest was peaked when he heard the words "Palpatine," "surrender," and "Death first" in the same sentence.

…

Padme saw movement out of the corner of her eye and saw that she and her love were surrounded by Palpatine's elite guard. She could not loose Anakin. Not again.

"Swear to me that you won't hurt him!" she cried, placing herself between her love and her fiance.

Palpatine looked taken aback. "Pardon?"

"Excuse me?" Anakin asked.

"If I return with you and marry you, will you return this man to his ship as a wedding present to me?"

"If-of course."

"Swear it!" Padme shouted.

"I swear it."

Padme turned to Anakin and was about to apologize when she was picked up and carried away by Palpatine. Padme and Anakin could only share a longing gaze.

"Come, pirate. You must return to your ship." A deep voice shook Anakin from his thoughts.

He looked as if he were the second hand man to Palpatine. Anakin noticed he had marks over his skin. No. Not marks.

Tattoos.

"I heard that someone was looking for you." Anakin smirked at the man's surprise.

Then he was knocked out.

…

Ben had a cough attack and when he was finished, Grandpa Ben looked at his grandson in concern.

"Do you want medicine?"

"And some tissues. Please."

"Alright."

Grandpa Ben was at the door when Ben called out. "And some snacks!"

"As you wish." Grandpa Ben muttered so low that Ben could not hear the reply.

Grandpa Ben returned with some crackers and a ginger ale. "For your stomach. Now, back to the story…"

…

Padme had sunk into a deep depression after her kidnapping. Palpatine had assured the court that she was distressed due to a lack of security and increased the defences. Padme's ladies in waiting however comforted Padme, telling her "Anakin will be back. He just needs to get his crew and tend to his shoulder first." and "He loves you. It took him seven years to find you the last time. Now he knows where you are."

Sabe and Corde's words comforted Padme.

Anakin on the other hand, woke strapped to a table with chains around his wrists and ankles. A gross old man was stitching his arm and telling him how he was to be tortured.

Due to a recent assassination attempt on Princess Amidala's life led to a hasty marriage. The next day, she was presented to the kingdom,

…

"This isn't right! Grandpa Ben, it's all wrong! Padme and Anakin should be married. Padme had to have been forced to marry that dick!" Ben interrupted.

"Language!" Grandpa Ben frowned.

"Padme should marry Anakin! This is all wrong!" Ben shouted.

Ben senior closed the book. "I think you are taking this too seriously."

"Who will kill Palpatine?"

"Obi Wan, Anakin, Padme? Who gets to kill the son of a-"

"I'm going to stop you right there. You need to calm down and when you are calm, I'll continue. I'll be a minute." Then he left for the kitchen.

Ben got up and went to the bathroom. Now was a good time for a bathroom break anyway.

Grandpa Ben was in his chair waiting for Ben to return, sipping a new cup of tea.

"I'm calm now." Ben crawled back in bed and pulled R2 into his lap.

R2 started purring and made bread on Ben's thigh.

"Where was I? Oh yes."

…

The next day, she was presented to the kingdom, this time as its Queen.

"Fie! Fie upon thee!" A woman, she had to have been in her mid fifties, hair still dark but dressed in black for mourning. "Fie you wicked harlot!"

"Why do you insult me?" Queen Amidala asked.

"You gave my son's love up for being Queen!" The woman cried.

"Palpatine would have killed him if I hadn't married him!"

"My son would have been killed regardless of your marriage or not! His love saved you in the Dagoba and you treated him like filth."

The crowd had grown uncomfortable.

"Bow to the Queen of Lies, the Betrayer of Love, the breaker of my son's heart!" The woman yelled and advanced to Queen Amidala.

Padme woke up in a cold sweat, heart racing.

She couldn't go through with the wedding. She just couldn't. The dreams were getting steadily worse.

Palpatine had promised to send word to Plagueis that she wanted him, but with each passing day, Padme's faith was shrinking.

One day a fortnight before the wedding, Palpatine had called Count Maul to his office for a devious plot.

"How is the prisoner?"

Maul actually smiled. "He is strong. But that's what I like about him, he will be so much fun to break."

"I want him dead before the wedding." Palpatine ordered.

"Of course my lord."

"Kill him. And if you see Count Dooku, send him to me. I have an assignment for him."

Maul bowed and left.

Meanwhile outside a pub called the Happy Chubby Unicorn, Obi Wan Kenobi was getting high on Death Sticks.

…

Mace Windu couldn't believe this shit. Everyone in the Endor Forest was getting arrested due to some mothernerfhearding plot to kill the future Queen. Something he was paid to do a week ago. Ehh, as long as he could find Obi Wan.

"Some junky is giving the troops trouble."

"Well, give him trouble back."

"He won't listen. He will just scream about starting at the beginning and someone named Hondo."

Oh yeah. That was Kenobi.

Mace decided to follow the shouting and found a very high Obi Wan muttering about beginnings, Hondo, and a flying green bunny.

"Get up."

"Iiiiii am waiiiiting foorrr Hooonddooooo."

"He's high…" One of the troopers whispered.

"Don't worry boys, I got this." Mace rolled up his sleeves and grabbed his high friend from his vest and pulled him to his feet.

"Whoozeit?" Obi Wan smelled awful. His hair greasy and breath unbreathable. His pupils were both too dilated and not dilated and unfocused. But when he squinted at Mace, some recognition could be found. "It's youuuu…"

"You look awful."

"Nahh_-+" Goodness gracious, Kenobi was so high he wasn't using proper punctuation.

"You smell awful."

"Nah, I feel fine…" Obi Wan took one step and promptly fell over in a coma.

 _'Mace Windu spent his time helping Obi Wan rid his system of the drugs.'_

Mace carried Obi Wan to a river and proceeded to dunk him multiple times underwater.

 _'A true friend.'_

Mace dumped warm water over his friend while he lay outside.

 _'The greatest man and companion to someone in need.'_

Mace force fed Obi Wan some soup.

"Hey, I forgot to mention. I found the man who killed you father and wife."

"That's nice." Obi Wan passed out and fell off the bench.

Windu rubbed his temples in exasperation.

 _'The kindest man in the world.'_

Mace Windu dunked Obi Wan in a cold water barrel and then brought him up to slap him awake and repeat the process.

When Obi Wan was finally detoxed, he was able to walk without seeming drunk.

"Where is Count Maul? I will finish what I started." Obi Wan growled with his hair and beard dripping water all over the floor.

"Count Maul is in the castle with Palpatine; guarded by at least sixty men."

Obi Wan mentally calculated the odds.

"How many do you think you could handle?"

"No. We need more people if we are going to storm the castle for your revenge."

Obi Wan sat on a barrel and thought. "What about him?"

"Him who?" Mace crossed his arms.

"The Man-in-Black! He bested me, he bested you, he must have bested Hondo if Palpatine is getting married."

"We don't know where the man even is! Let alone if he would help us."

"The man loves Padme Amidala. Of course he'll help us."

…

 _Kylo Ren was chained to a torture device. The man before him wanted to make him suffer. He was doing it the wrong way; if he wanted Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren, Emperor of the Galaxy, and hopelessly in love with his Star Queen Rey, to suffer, then he would hurt her. Not that Kylo would tell him that. He would protect his Queen with his life._

 _PAIN!_

 _'Do…'_

 _PAIN!_

 _'It.'_

 _PAIN!_

 _'For…'_

 _PAIN!_

 _'Her!' Kylo Ren repeated the mantra many times._

 _He_ would _return for Rey. He would_ always _return to Rey. Not even Death himself would stop him from returning to her. He would not be separated from her now. Not again._

 _The horrible so called prince that was trying to take away Kylo's Queen was gloating. 'Let him gloat.' Kylo thought._

 _"You truly love her, and she you. I will not let anyone stand in the way of my war. I will kill her once I wed her and you will not be able to stop me." Snoke gloated._

 _Then PAIN!_

Ben snapped out of his daydream to hear Grandpa Ben read of Anakin's torture and Palpatine's murderous deed.

…

Padme heard the most heart wrenching scream of agony. She didn't know the poor soul that was in pain, but she prayed for him.

Obi Wan and Mace followed the scream in the hopes of it belonging to the man who had bested them in combat.

They knocked out the undertaker and hid him under a wheelbarrow.

"Where is he?" Mace asked. "Kenobi?"

Kenobi was deep in meditation.

Mace watched as he stood, eyes closed, and stumbled in a circle before walking into a tree. Obi Wan sighed in frustration and leaned against the trunk. A secret door opened and down the two friends went.

They found the man on a table, no chains, no ropes.

Mace checked for a pulse.

"Yep. He's dead."

"Shit."

…

"Grandpa! Anakin can't be dead! He has to save Padme!" Ben cried. Chewie whined in agreement. R2 just licked his junk.

"Will you just calm down, my boy? There are at least five chapters left."

Ben groaned and flopped back on his bed.

..

"Shit." Obi Wan cursed. He then kicked a bucket over. "Well, grab his legs."

Obi Wan then proceeded to lift the man up by his arms.

Not questioning his friend, Mace Windu did the same with his legs.

"How much money do you have?"

"I don't know and at this point I am afraid to look. Why?"

"I just hope we can bye a miracle. Come on."

The two men carried the dead body through the woods and a small village. When they received questioning looks, the two men would say that he passed out from drinking.

Finally, they got to where they needed to be.

…

 _Poe Dameron knocked on the door while Finn Hughes shouldered the limp body of Kylo Ren._

 _"What do you want?!" an old, croaky voice hollered from inside._

 _"Luke Skywalker, miracle maker, we need a miracle. It is very important Señor."_

 _"Go away. I don't help people anymore. I´ll kill a man if you want."_

 _"But he is dead."_

 _Luke opened the door. Scruffy blond hair fell into his blue eyes. "He is? Bring him in."_

 _The two men hoisted Kylo Ren on the table. Luke examined the body and came to the conclusion that he was not entirely dead._

 _"What's the difference?" Finn asked._

 _"There is no difference." Luke grumbled. "How much you got kids?"_

 _Finn and Poe emptied their pockets and showed their money to Luke._

 _A monopoly get out of jail card, some gum, three quarters, and a paperclip. "Never worked for so cheap."_

 _"Luke Skywalker, I do not care if those boys don't have any money, you bring out nephew back to life or so help me…" Mara Jade Skywalker, very pretty, very angry, and very pregnant, grabbed Luke's ear and pulled him down to her level._

 _"Bring him back or I swear…"_

 _"Y-yes dear."_

 _"Here sweethearts, I baked a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies."_

 _Finn and Poe ate the cookies while Luke brought Kylo Ren back from the dead._

 _"My QUeen!" Kylo Ren shot up and saw where he was. He was on his uncle's dining room table and his aunt was spoiling Poe and Finn. "Where is the Star Queen?"_

 _"Supreme Emperor Snoke plans to marry her and take over the galaxy. He would kill her to start a war." Poe said between a mouthful of cookies._

 _Kylo Ren felt uncontrollable fury of the thought of his wife-to-be marrying and murdered by another._

 _'Rey, I will save you!'_

…

Padme looked at herself in the mirror. She looked beautiful and vaguely otherworldly. This was not what she wanted to look like on her wedding day. She wanted to wear her nice brown dress. Not this silver monstrosity. The fabric was so thick, she didn't think that her dagger would be able to pierce it.

Palpatine looked smug by the time she walked to the altar.

"I am so glad you have come to your senses and no longer indulge those fantasies with the pirate."

"That pirate is more a prince than you are." Padme snapped.

It was a good thing he was going murder her after the wedding. He didn't think he could stand listening to her lip.

About mid ceremony, there was a loud commotion outside the castle and Palpatine sent Maul to take care of it.

"Anakin is coming for me now."

"He cannot. I killed him myself."

"Then why do you fear so?"

"Priest, skip to the end."

"Skip everything, you want?" The old priest asked.

"To the vows."

"Vows. Very important vows are. Very important."

"Man and wife! Just say that you little gremlin!"

"Man and wife?"

Palpatine shoved padme to her handmaids. "Take her to the honeymoon suit. I will be there shortly." He stormed out of the chapel and left in a hurry.

Padme, heartbrokenly, whimpered. "He didn't come."

Meanwhile, on the other side of the castle, Anakin, Obi Wan, and Mace stormed the castle cutting down Stormtroopers that got in their way, conveniently not getting shot at all.

The three amigos turned into a side passage way and came face to face with Count Maul and a handful of Stormtroopers.

They all froze. Locked in a staring contest between Obi Wan Kenobi and Maul.

"Kill the black man and the scar faced man. Leave the bearded man for me." Maul ordered.

Obi Wan killed the Stormtroopers in one swift stroke.

Maul stared at Kenobi, unnerved.

"I am Obi Wan Kenobi. Son of Qui Gon Jinn and husband to Satine. You murdered my family. Prepare to die by my hand." Obi Wan got in a beginning stance for a duel.

Maul turned and ran away.

Obi Wan followed leaving Mace Windu and Anakin.

"I'll just...find a way...to escape." Mace said.

"And I'll rescue my one true love." Anakin said as they seperated in opposite directions.

…

"'Padme entered the honeymoon suit and was left by her handmaidens. She was all alone. She could no longer wait for Anakin; she would kill herself tonight. Palpatine would never have her.'" Grandpa Ben read.

"I don't believe this lady." Ben grumbled.

Chewie groaned in agreement.

"'She raised the dagger; ready to give up a live of enslavement to a monster, when a voice she never thought to hear again rang in her ears.

''Twould be a pity to thrust a dagger upon thy breast-"

"NO!" Ben covered his ears.

"What? What is it this time?" Grandpa Ben asked.

"You said the word!"

"What word?"

"That word."

"?"

"The B-word, Grandpa! That word!"

"Breast?"

"AGGGHHSfasodkfjpqoeifja;sdjklfa! Stop that!" Ben cried dramatically.

"Broof." Chewie lifted his head at his pup's antics.

"I get it Chewie, I should not say bre-umm." Grandpa Ben paused at Ben's eyes; wide in horror. "The B-word, in front of Ben. Sweet boy, I apologize."

"'Pology accepted." Ben muttered.

"Now, carrying on. ''Twould be a pity to thrust a dagger upon thy "chest area" fair Lady. Such a crime, some would say damnable.' Now, was that better?" Grandpa Ben asked.

"Much. Don't say gross things like that." Ben scolded.

…

Padme turned and saw her one true love. "Anakin!"

She ran to his open arms and he held her close.

…

 _"Rey, m'lady, I've returned." Kylo Ren whispered, fearful that he should frighten her._

 _"Kylo! My love!"_

 _Kylo picked her up and spun her; getting lost in her smile and drowning in her laughter._

 _Kylo set Rey down and kissed her forehead and then her hands. "We must go my love. Snoke will come and dule me for you."_

 _Rey looked down in shame._

 _"Sweetheart, what is wrong? What ill will has Snoke done to you?" Kylo Ren would kill the monster for harming a hair on his Queen._

 _"I am so sorry my love, but Snoke forced my hand and married me without my consent." A crystal tear fell down her cheek._

 _"He hasn't?" Kylo Ren was furious._

 _"Not yet, King of my heart." Rey buried her face in Kylo Ren's strong chest._

 _Oh yeah. Kylo Ren had an eight pack. Kylo Ren was shredded. Take that Armatage Huxley II. Stupidhead._

 _"Did you say 'I do' my love?"_

 _"No. Snoke said they were not important."_

 _Kylo stroked Rey's soft hair._

 _'Is Rey's hair soft?' Ben wondered._

 _Oh her hair is soooooooo soft!_

 _"Then my Queen, you and Snoke are not lawfully wedded. Isn't that right Snoke." Kylo Ren growled at the monster who had tried to steal his Queen away._

 _Rey turned around and saw Snoke glaring at Kylo and gazing at Rey with a hungry look in his eye. She fearfully clung to Kylo. Kylo gently pushed her behind him so he shielded her and raised his red saber._

 _"If it is a duel you want, then it is a duel you shall have."_

 _Snoke and Kylo Ren dueled and dueled. Kylo Ren doing his best to shield his beloved from this monster but apparently not well enough._

 _Snoke disarmed Kylo and held Rey to his chest with his sword at her neck._

 _"Here is how it's going to play out Kylo Ren; you were a mercenary hired to murder my queen. I, in my grief for my dead wife, killed you and and fought the war I have been planning for years."_

 _Kylo Ren wanted to kill this man. How dare he! He was going to-_

 _Well, that happened._

 _Rey still had the dagger in her hand and spun around and stabbed Snoke in the throat._

 _A chorus of angels sang, firework exploded, his dad playing God Bless America on the saxophone, and the most beautiful woman in the galaxy then turned to him and said_

"'Obi Wan,' Mace Windu shouted. 'I have horses for our escape.'" Grandpa Ben read.

'Oh come on!' Ben thought.

…

The two rogues and the princess leaned out of the window to see that Mace Windu had indeed, four horses.

"You nerf herders done yet? I'd like to escape now." Mace Windu saw Padme in the window. "Not you m'lady. You are a princess to us and we are happy to see you."

The four unlikely friends rode their steeds out of the kingdom and when the sun came up, Anakin and Padme knew they were safe. They kissed, relieved they had survived unlikely odds to once again be in the other's arms. Safe from the world.

Padme and Anakin married as soon as they found a priest. Obi Wan Kenobi and Mace Windu served as their witnesses.

And they lived happily ever after.

The End.

…

Grandpa Ben closed the book and watched his grandson's reaction.

Ben looked...confused, happy, sad?

"Is that really it? Is the book really over?" he asked.

Ah, he was in shock.

"Yes it is my boy. But, the book is yours and you can reread it as many times as you wish too." Grandpa Ben reassured him.

Ben gave him a small smile.

"Now, your mother should be on her way home now. I'll be in the kitchen making dinner for her."

As Grandpa Ben got up, Ben stopped him.

"Thank you Grandpa Ben."

Old Ben patted his grandson's head and left him with the big dog.

He scarcely had time to think about what to make for dinner when the doorbell rang. He opened it and saw a small little girl.

She had freckles and sweet brown eyes.

"Hello. My name is Rey Andor. I am in Ben's class. I have his homework, can I give it to him?"

"Come in my dear." Old Ben held open the door and led her to Ben's room.

Ben's eyes seemed to brighten when he saw the girl.

Could this girl be Ben's Star Queen?

He watched them converse, and then he heard her say, "Get better Ben."

"As you wish." He replied.

Rey looked at him, confused, but she smiled.

Grandpa Ben winked at Ben and Ben turned redder than a tomato.

…

 _Kylo and Rey rode off into the sunrise. They rode until they came to the farm they knew so well, and they stopped._

 _Kylo knelt before the beautiful Queen before him and held out a simple ring._

 _"Will you marry me?" He asked._

 _"Of course I will."_

 _They kissed and Kylo knew they would live happily ever after._


End file.
